um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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