I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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