yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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