Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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