Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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