The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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