Got a toothbrush?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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