I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
