hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
