First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The ass gains better be worth it
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