Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
