I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
