i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
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I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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