I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize