That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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