if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
