He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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