my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
