it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
