the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
