my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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