i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I FOUND THE LEGS
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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