I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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