I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
