Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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