Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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