i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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