I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You've changed since you got that strap on
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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