On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize