meet me or not, i'm out of control
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
