i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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