love makes seman taste better
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
