Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
