Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
