I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When are your genitals available?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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