After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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