I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
