i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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