i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
