he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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