He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
