Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This is my gift to your gina
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
