i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
