i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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