Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
