Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
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We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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