Already got asked if we're dating
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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