Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
