So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
