I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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