Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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