I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think im in europe. pls send help
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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