Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
