Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
