I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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