I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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