i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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