So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
