I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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