we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
