I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
