When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
