shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
