It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
