i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize