therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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